Dinner With The Omnivore

About the Omnivore

An unpretentious antidote to government guidelines and other modern food nonsense.

What business is it of the government to tell me what to eat anyway? You’d think they’d have better things to do – duck houses to furnish, moats to clean, that sort of thing. Governing, even. Besides, the latest decree would have us all believe that bacon gives you cancer, and I certainly can’t be having with that idea. I refuse to believe in ‘superfoods’ either (though I’m prepared to agree that food is super), and nor do I have any time for silly faddy eating habits. The latest mad celebrity of the moment may like you to believe that she’s only eating organically produced hydroponic windfall beansprouts, but I’m here to tell you that the huge suitcase her fifth bodyguard is lugging arround is full of PotNoodles, chocolate and the menus for pizza takeaway in every major city western Europe.

Not that I’m about to have anything to do with such non-food substances as PotNoodle either, or any of the other ludicrously overpriced, over-packaged, chemical-ridden garbage the supermarkets try so hard to punt at me. Did you know that all those I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter (Mainly Because I Had All My Tastebuds Removed At The Same Time As The Lobotomy) spreads are made of diesel and dead dogs? Well they are.

Nor, on the other hand, am I going to get all middle-class, up-your-own-bum metrosexual over it either. ‘Of course, we only ever get our sun-dried olive and ciabatta toasted open-face bruschetta by mail order direct from Tuscany’. Well, that just proves that you can’t buy common sense doesn’t it. Besides, we’ve all seen you in  Tesco on  a Saturday morning, so you’re fooling nobody.

Food. It’s great. Buy it, cook it, eat it, share it with friends. Just stop being so obsessively ridiculous about the whole business. And stop eating that processed rubbish – you’re only encouraging them.

There we have it. If there’s anyone out there I haven’t offended yet, drop me a line and I’ll give it a go.


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Food for thought

“Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for lunch.” ― Orson Welles

Food by e-mail - takeaway for the modern age.

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© Christa GIMBLETT 2010-2011
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